Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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