Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
