i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
