Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
