He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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