just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am available for nakedness
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
