1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize