its not stalking. its research.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
