man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
