'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize