I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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