she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
