went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
