i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
