my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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