No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
