Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
