I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
pray to the hookup gods
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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