so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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