franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
