I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
