Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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