her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
