If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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