you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
