Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
