Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
