So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
now i know why i became what i already was.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
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So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
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I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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