I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
