help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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