Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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