If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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