I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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