An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
