I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
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Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
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I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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