white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
