just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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