so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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