Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
