There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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