Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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