There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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