Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
