I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
