I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
