did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
