i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
