My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
