she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
