I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
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You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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