mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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