I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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