2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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