I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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