none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
