i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
