We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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