It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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