and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
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I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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