Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
