the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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