i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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