So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
