Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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