Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
