I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
