If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
