Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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