There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
