I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
